Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Whoa, don't touch me there...

THAT IS MY PRIVATE SQUARE! Hahaha! My friends are pretty amazing

Okay so this weekend was amazing! First off, hung out with a great friend who I haven't hung out sense summer, yeah tooo long! That won't happen again, hopefully. But we were planning out futures and it was kind of fun, to see where we think we will end up in the next few years. We both have high expectations and big dreams but I believe anything is possible so we will see happens.

On Saturday I went to my first concert! Okay I love the energy the people it is amazing! It just made me more stoked for the PIERCE THE VEIL concert I am going to in Dec

I haven't been sleeping much so I think I might get sick before too long...I don't have time to get sick! I have too many plans too many people to see, there just is not enough time in the world. Oh well though. On an amazing note interim grades get cut this friday and this kid is getting switched out of english!!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I lied

I can't stop writing right now. I don't know but I feel like I just have to continue. Why can't this type of writing be acceptable in school? I feel like this is better than writing about a research paper. I don't know all I know is that I am a mess right now. I wish I wasn't just right now is a low. Too many thoughts going through my head. I can't stop them, they are out of control. They keep spinning and I keep falling. And no one is there to catch me. Everyone else just ignores me, they only come around when they find it convenient or need something. All I am to them is a tool, useful everyone now and then but for the most part I just sit in my box left alone until they need me. And I hate it. I am sick of it, but there is nothing I can do. Because I am afraid to be alone, so I apologize for any venting that I do. I only have one fear and it is the fear of being alone. Nothing else scares me. Not heights, snakes, bugs, fire, maybe not even death. But when I am alone, I go crazy. I feel hurt.

Last one

Not the prettiest,
Not the smartest,
Not the funniest,
Not anything.

I wish I had someone that would take me out on dates,
tell me I look pretty,
just like me for me.
Not compare me to someone before me,
not cheat on me.
Is that too much to ask?\
I guess so.

A douche once told me,
I am an attention whore.
Yes this is true,
I love attention.
Is that what I really want?
Do I just want someone to tell me I look pretty?
Buy me stuff?
I like to think not.
I like to think that I want love.
I want to buy stuff for someone,
Tell them they are special.
And that they mean the world.
I guess that I want to know how to love.

Lately

I have been so stressed. (when am I not?) But like I really wanted to do well in school like seriously, I have actually been studying french that didn't happen last year at all! And now I am feel like a complete failure because I am failing english already. I have tried so hard to understand what my teacher is talking about but I don't know what he is talking about at all. It is like he is speaking russian or something. Nothing makes sense. Annotate this book, and this letter, oh and this chapter. What the hell!?!? I have no clue how to do that. All I can do is read something and picture it vividly in my mind that's it! I can't find any strategies or whatever that the author is using. I can guess what is going to happen next but that doesn't count for making predictions. I hate english so much. Why can't the school just be content with me reading the books and then talking a bout it? Why must I dissect a beautiful piece of art? I don't understand it!

I also realize I listen to people a lot. Like no one really listens to me. This is truly my only way of saying how I feel. Yes I do have people that would listen to me but I feel bad when I complain, because it just seems like I am whining about how something so small is affecting oh poor me.