Please let this feeling being wrong

I see you in my dreams. You are yelling at me, but then silence falls upon you, and you turn a ghostly white. Your eyes shut and then I wake up. Half scared to death, half scared of reality.

I really hope this week goes well I am scared again, and I know this is sad but I am constantly crying, despite the fights, pain and annoyance you have put me through I still love you so much. I want this to be the end of your disease, I don't want to see you in any more pain. I want for you to be able to see me graduate next year, I want to watch football and hockey with you. I just want you to be in my life. I have already lost someone this year so please don't leave me. I am still in so much pain and I need so much help. I can't think of anything else to say but just don't leave me.