Writing is not something I have been in a while.
I thought I had people to vent to, I did, but things never last.
People leave.
Again and again.
I haven't been this messed up in a while.
 

Tomorrow you would have been forty-four. Only forty-four. But now you are in heaven, where you are no longer in pain. But I still miss you greatly. It has been less than four months and I just want my dad back. I miss you so much. I hate myself for not being with you more, for not listening, for everything. I can't tell anyone how I really feel because they will tell me I need help. I could tell you though, I use to. 

I never truly knew how hard it is to smile when you just want to cry and have someone hold you. But I have to keep my head up, my mascara from running down my face, and a smile on my lips.