new year?

yes i am a few days late but i have not been on my computer for a few days, so i am making a new year blog now.

so i am not about to talk about everything that happened this past year. it is called the past for a reason and that is where it is staying. i can say that even though there were a lot of crappy, shitty moments, they made me the person i am now. stronger. smarter. wiser. and all of those moments i would like to believe were balanced by very, very good moments with friends and family.

so am i looking forward to this new year? yes and no. i am honestly very afraid of this year, but at the same time i am looking forward to it.

i am afraid that things may have taken a change for the worse. terrified of what they are going to tell us. it is not looking so optimistic anymore. just being in my house for this one day and i have just wanted to escape to my room and cry. even though that won't help anything, i don't know what will help. i wish i knew what would help because of my nature of compassion this is killing me, just watching as he grows weaker each day. not sure if tomorrow is going to make things better or worse.

but with terrible stuff in life that we wish we could deal without comes the wonderful stuff that makes our days worth living and is the motivation that gets us out of bed each morning. i am happy to start this year off with amazing friends, new and old, that i know will always be there for me, even the worst times to come. i really do love them and would be lost without them.