Confused on multiple levels

I feel like I have pissed off so many people right now. And I am not sure why. I just want some answers that's all I want.

And one day everything will be great

Well I am pretty stoked right now. I took a nap, working on some homework right now (okay obviously not right now, kinda typing) and I just ordered the skinid. My friend has it and she says it works amazingly and well I can see that it does. So I am hoping it arrives soon and I can be rid of acne! God wouldn't that be great. Well I think so. Anywho going to finish my homework.

Concert

Okay so I went to see one of my favorite bands ever this Saturday, well it was pretty good but not exactly the best one I have been to. And here is why.

1. Too many damn little kids. Okay yes I understand there are some kids that like some of these bands and it was a Saturday night but holy shit, when I am moshing with kids shorter than me (I am not quite tall) you know that ain't right. And plus they are fucking annoying, like OHMYGOD THAT IS SOOOOO ORGASMIC!!! Yeah that gets very old, very fast.

2. Because of all the little kids the bands barely put any effort. I mean think about it, if your job is to pump up the crowd and there are a hundred little thirteen year olds screaming their stupid heads off then the bands don't have to really do much. All they have to do is strum on their guitars and barely sing. So not much enthusiasm from the bands.

3. The screamer for In Fear and Faith left the band...yeah not happy.

4. One of the amps just blew and the mic that the lead singer for Pierce The Veil was using broke not even half way through the set.

Okay enough venting. Good news going to see Pierce the Veil again in January.

If I screamed out, would anyone hear me?

I feel what a million other people feel. I feel alone. Pathetic. Worthless. I haven't honestly felt this way in such a long time. I was so happy and chipper, what happened? Why am I so depressed all of a sudden? Yes I am honestly say depressed. I actually do feel like slipping back into old habits again and maybe even the final jump. Because to be quite honest how many people would really care? Not many.

I have learned that people just use you. They only act like they enjoy your company and conversations, until they finally are done with. And it isn't as simple as tossing something into the trash either. Nope, these people spit you up and leave in the most horrible way imaginable. Either it being pure evil, humiliating, or a combination of the two. I honestly hate most people there are very few that I can tolerate. And for some reason people don't understand this concept. If I don't want to talk or I am ignoring you, take a hint.

With that said I hate, hate people touching me. And I know damn right why I hate people touching me. One of my friends laughed as I told her the story because it happened to someone else we knew and the fact that I even attempted to trust this person was stupid. Yes I realize this now. But because of the whole situation I don't let many people touch me. If you haven't noticed, I cringe when most people do. Hello? If I am trying to get away from you when you attempt to touch get the fuck away from me.

I just really, really hate people. And yes because of my thoughts like these ultimately it is going to be my own fault that I will be alone forever, but at the same time it is other people's faults. I have tried and tried so many times to like people, but I always get hurt. So I am done trying. Yes I have become more of a bitch lately because that's the only way I know who to protect myself now. Because ultimately everyone is out to hurt you in one way or another.

I am what I am

And I am an attention whore. I have realized this now, I love attention, I craze it, I need it. And when I don't have any I get depressed. That's probably the reason I would like to be in a relationship at this point in time, because I need attention, not because I need drama or someone to love. Oh hell no! I do not want drama, I hate it, and I definitely don't need someone who I will care about and then they go and fuck me over. That's all relationships are to me. They are only an illusion to the inevitable. In all honesty how many relationship actually last now a days? A couple, a few? Not many that's for sure.

So yes I am an attention whore. And just maybe someone will be able to give me all the attention I need that it will be like tricking myself into believing that I am in love. Because isn't that what relationships and love really are?