I lied...

I decided that I was going to write again. It really does help me just to have a place where I know that all my thoughts will be stored and I can look back upon them and laugh at how silly I was for making a big deal about this and that. Sometimes that's all we need is a good laugh or a good cry.

So lately I don't know what is going on. I have been known to blow things out of proportion...well I have not failed to live that up. My dad has been in the hospital for two weeks now, not sure when he will be getting out...if he will. I hope he does because I miss him a lot. I wish I had the strength to go and see him but I do not. I am weak.

My mom says that the doctors think he has a more likely chance of dieing from malnourishment than his cancer. I don't know what to say to that. But instead I just cry...see the whole weak thing come into play. Yeah, you deffly do.

Then I broke up with one of the nicest guys I had ever put. He really did love me. Why am I so stupid? I know it was a mistake but I can't tell him that. I should just let go. I don't deserve anyone, anything. I don't have the courage to do anything anymore. I just want to crawl into a hole.