A pounding headache and a million reasons to scream.

Days like these really question who I am, who my true friends are, do I really have any?

I really have been pondering this one for a while now. It seems like the people that I use to be close to pushed me away because of what I was doing, some of my choices. So I opened myself to a new group of people, they accepted me with open arms, but then they looked the other way and never looked back. So I don't know where I stand anymore. I would like to say I have one true friend that I know everything about, but I don't. I know people, people know me and that's it. Nothing more than that.

It also seems like the few people I have been hanging with, all they want to do is drink, smoke, and have sex. Personally I want to talk to people, get to know them better. I don't really want to do that stuff anymore. For reasons I have told very few people. But I just want to end that part of my life. But it seems like I can't. Hell I am suppose to go party this weekend, well I don't really want to. I don't feel that great about anything anymore. So with that said, I am out.

You can't hurt me

And there is nothing you can do about that. Yes, you truly want to now, oh but you don't have any right sweetheart. So guess, what I am done dwelling on you. I don't want to hear your name, I HATE THAT NAME. Everyone keeps coming up to me and is like when you are guys getting together, I look at them and laugh. I laugh so hard because you keep feeding this people bullshit. That's all you do. You are an attention whore, a drama queen, an immature person, who has nothing better to do then true and break me. You just want me to crash so hard that I can't get up. But sweetie that isn't going to happen. I am stronger, yes thanks to you. But also to my friends and family. How I love to death. See a funny word love. Hmmm...But I am done with you. I promised and this is the last time I am going to think about you.

There is always a consequence to your choices, there is always two. A good one and a bad one. It is our choice to pick one. God loves us so much that he gave us the ability to choice. Some people pick the bad one, they need to be helped. Other times, they are just a lost cause.

You should've killed me, when you had the chance

So I got grounded the other day, LAME! Any who so I have spent the most time at home in a long time, I am not sure if I really like it. I feel awkward at home and alone. The reason I say this is because I don't know my grandmother, who is here 24/7. I feel as if she is always judging me. And well with my dad's condition, I want to help but there isn't anything I can do. As for being alone, I am one of those people who if they aren't around someone they can joke around with and make some stupid joke then I feel alone and weird. I don't know that doesn't make much sense but that's how I feel.

So to amuse myself I have been reading Harry Potter, which, is not amazing...IT'S FUCKING WICKED!!!! Lolol yeah thank you Shannon for that one xD And I have been writing on my wall again. Which I love to do, because when I just get bored I just stare at my wall and read some of my thoughts. It's kinda nice. But anywho going to read Harry Potter so night Blog :]

Few random quotes from my wall-----

Falling is just a part of learning.

Who knows what will happen, that's life. It's never planned out nice and neat, it would be boring that way. Things will happen because they are meant to.

The world is big and scary. There are too many questions and not enough answers.

Hope for the best, but plan for the worst

Wow

I am 16 years old and I have seen so much but at the same time I have seen nothing.

I am 16 years old and I have been through so much but at the same time I have been through nothing.

I am 16 years old and I am not your typical teen but at the same time I am.

Lately so much has happened. It's hard to believe everything that is happening. I think about things too much and realize that I have changed, I have been changed. I am not sure if it's for the good yet or not. I am not sure of much. It's just right now I really want someone to tell me that they care and I can just cry on there shoulder. It seems that there aren't that many people that I can do that with anymore. I mean I lost one of the most important people in my life the other day. And no I am not okay. It still hurts so much. I miss him so much and I want him back.

I have so much to say but I don't even know anymore if it's worth saying. But hey that's why I have you blog.

I realize that people hurt me, a lot. And you want to know what I do....nothing. I go back to them. I tell them that it's okay but in all honesty I am still crying on the inside. I have been dealing with the pain in ways. But I like to keep that a secret. But to reassure anyone reading this, I don't hurt myself. I don't want to anymore. That was a mistake starting that habit in the first place, I will be forever haunted by those scars and I am not proud.

Maybe I am just a coward. I would like to believe I am strong but I really am not.